To Kill a Sue
by Maevainwen Adaniel
Summary: A series of short parody fics.


This is the first in a series of short parody fics. This was co-written project by AuSsIeGiRl13, Maevainwen Adaniel and Araloth the Random. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Lord of The Rings, as much as I would like to. I do, however (and unfortunately), own Araweena :(

-o-

Araweena Estella Elrondina Gorniestruwuvial Galadrina Elrosariel shook her long hair out lightly as she entered the Council of Elrond. Her luscious, shining, strawberry blonde locks fell down her back like a sparkling waterfall, shining with the light of the sun and of (Insert hair care product of your choice) and her emerald-sapphire-amethyst-opal eyes glistened in the light of the sun, which made them twice as beautiful, despite the deep sorrow one could see in them. She didn't actually concentrate on the words said, only on the sooper hawt Elf across from her…Legolas Greenleaf (Whose last name was actually Thranduilion, but we can't expect her to know that, can we?) She dreamily imagined several situations involving herself and her lust object, that would cause this tale to be rated R, or to make Legolas run away screaming his head off.

Araweena jumped when Legolas suddenly stood and spoke to a short dude, an old guy and some human, whose names didn't matter because they weren't Legolas. Smiling, Araweena decided she would join whatever was happening, so after some other human spoke, she stood and smiled a dazzling smile, momentarily blinding the people in front of her.

"I will help thee as well for thy quest will be difficult," She said in a voice that was so sickle sweet that a rabbit in the surrounding bushes began gagging. She flicked her long, curly strawberry blonde hair back, though it wasn't actually necessary. The fellowship stared at her for a second and Araweena smiled…they were obviously dazzled by her looks, after all she _was_ beautiful.

Then, Elrond spoke.

"You cannot be serious."

Araweena gasped, and then giggled.

"Oh, dada… Thou art funny!" She squealed, then giggled again. Elrond however, was not amused.

"Dada?" Boromir repeated, somewhat stunned. A dwarf beside him raised an eyebrow.

"This is an…interesting development," he finally said. Araweena turned to glare at him.

"I don't even know your name but you're not hot and you're short so I automatically hate you!" she screamed at him. The-automatically-hated-dwarf raised his other eyebrow.

"I think that that is a good thing." At this, everyone smirked. Araweena, rather hurt by this, decided to get some sympathy.

"You are all so cruel to me! Just like my Dada and Mameth were when I was a tiny she-elf. They treated me like a slave and beat me when they wanted to."

The entire Council shared a wince at the many laws of canon Araweena managed to break within a few short sentences.

She began to sob, "They wouldn't give me pizza and only let me stay up till 2am and I was only allowed to have _one _floor of the mansion they lived in as my own and and..." She elegantly fell to the ground wailing her misfortune. Legolas frowned and Araweena smiled slightly… it was working!

"I thought you said Elrond was your 'Dada'?" He said carefully, while everyone else was wondering what 'pizza' and 'mansions' were.

Araweena Estella Elrondina Gorniestruwuvial Galadrina Elrosariel stared at him, mouth working and brow furrowed.

"But… I… No… NO!" Her eyes opened wide as she disappeared in a puff of logic.

"Shall we continue?" said Elrond, when the glittering pink cloud of dust had settled.

**Sues… don't you just love them *le sigh***

**A note to Authors:**

'**She-Elf' never is and never will be a proper term. It is Elleth.**

**Elrond only had ONE daughter, she was Arwen Undomiel.**

**The Elven terms for Mother and Father are 'Adar' and 'Naneth'**

'**Greenleaf' is merely a translation of 'Legolas'. His surname was 'Thranduillion', meaning 'Son of Thranduil'.**

**There were only NINE members of the Fellowship, and NONE of them were female. Nine walkers to match the nine riders. No more, no less.**

**Review, my children, and you shall taste COOKIES! **

**Ciao,**

**Mae :)**

**EDIT**

**Ok, I just realised that Daisymall13 has already posted her version of this Minific already, we were both given it by AuSsIeGiRl13. Dais **_**does**_** know that I have posted this so if anyone thinks I am plagiarising her fic please ask her before accusing me in a review.**

**Much appreciated :)**

**Mae**


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